Mr. Bill Meets The Donald: Oh No, Sluggo!

Mr. Bill Meets The Donald:
Oh No, Sluggo!


Leonard Zwelling

         It was not bad enough that he of the golden mane and gimlet
eye, the Lion of Trump Tower, is trying to lie his way to the Oval Office and
doing a great job of fooling many of the people most of the time. (Who knew how
close Morroco’s border problems were to our own)? Now we have the spectacle of
Hillary’s lying, cheating, white-haired, partially addled husband trying to
control himself and not light into Mr. Trump. Yes, it’s The Donald vs. Mr. Bill
in New Hampshire as surely as Godzilla vs. Mothra in Tokyo Bay.

         So who are you going to believe, them, or your lyin’ eyes
and ears?

         Mr. Bill is a Hillary surrogate who allows her to slog
through the ice of Iowa as he stomps through the snows of New Hampshire. There
may be some logic to rolling out Mr. Bill 42 (poor Jeb! dare not roll out
brother 43). After all America remembers Mr. Bill as the “Explainer-in-Chief”
(or as Excuser-in-Chief for his own behavior) and his Presidency as being
terror threat free (untrue, the Cole was attacked under his watch). The Big Dog
did leave America with a budget surplus that his successor first squandered and
then sprinkled across the Middle East along with American blood. (That’s why 43
is staying home). But is Bill likely to convince anyone to vote for wifey who
already isn’t going to? I think the logic is to see if Bill can swing just
enough of the New Hampshire Democratic liberal base away from The Berne and
have Hillary run the table from Iowa to New Hampshire to South Carolina and
then on to the SEC primary with the coronation on Super Tuesday. It could work,

         It is really tough for Hillary to make a compelling case
about The Donald’s putative misogyny using her husband as a model of being
pro-women. That one doesn’t pass the smell test and when her other great vulnerability
is trustworthiness and honesty, rolling out Mr. Bill may not prove all that

         Personally, once New Hampshire is over, if she wins there
and in Iowa, I would send Bill home to make speeches for $500,000 a pop. If she
loses either Iowa or New Hampshire, then I have no advice because his presence
didn’t help and I cannot see what he brings to the party except the girls and
the beer.

         This has got to be the most depressing campaign for
President in history. None of those running is a paragon of virtue nor a sober
statesmen except perhaps Mr. Kasich and he is getting absolutely no traction.
The thought of another first-term Senator running the country (Rubio, Cruz,
Paul) is frightening enough, but Mrs. Clinton has so many ethical holes in her
resume and the ex- and current governors (Kasich, Christie, O’Malley) cannot
find any traction either and the rest of the non-politicians (Trump, Carson,
Fiorina) are literally frightening in their view of the simplicity of the
world, that I cannot imagine an adult winning the White House. (Oh no, Mr.
Bill, not again!)

         Given this, I suspect at least having The Donald and Mr.
Bill going at one another, which is bound to happen sooner not later, will
provide some needed levity. Until one of these candidates actually wins
something it is all conjecture and more bananas for the Survey Monkey.

         Oh no, Mr. Bill. We may well need Sluggo to get us out of
this one.

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