The Blizzard ’15-the Rest
of America 0: Why Do the Media and Academia Believe the World Revolves Around
the Northeast?
By
Leonard Zwelling
(to all my Harvard friends, especially those who play the piano)
Lots of snow fell in Boston and surroundings. I get it.
The
TV reporters are bundled up like they are about to depart on an icebreaker for
the South Pole. They look ridiculous for they add absolutely nothing in the way
of useful information to the pictures of the snow or the sound of the freezing
wind. I guess they get paid to do this, but frankly the networks are wasting
their money on these talking snowmen and snowwomen. It’s snowing. Cool. Go to commercial
break for Tamiflu.
I understand that all the power is out on Nantucket. If all
the power were out in Houston, would anyone in New York City or Boston even
care? They would be offended if CNN reported a Bayou City power outage to 4
million customers by using valuable airtime that could be used to discuss the
importance of Patriots’ Day, the spectacle of The Mummer’s Parade or whether or
not the Snoopy float will blow into Central Park during the Macy’s Thanksgiving
Day parade. No more than 35,000 households are out of power on an island off
the coast of Boston and it’s major news. Maybe we should move Guantanamo to
Nantucket.
Northeasterners! Here’s a bulletin. That you live in a God-awful
climate for whatever reason is of no interest to the rest of us. Those of us
who weren’t born in Texas (New Haven in my case, Baltimore for my wife) got
here as fast as we could and would never consider leaving. If we left, maybe it
would be to go to San Diego, but surely not to Boston.
What you Bostonians also haven’t quite grasped is that we
also don’t care for your attitude in the circles of academia. Not only does the
world not revolve around your city, it doesn’t revolve around that upper middle class
boys’ school in Cambridge either. To be blunt, we don’t care who wins the
Harvard-Yale game or who out rows whom down the Charles. Just because you went
to Harvard doesn’t mean you know who’s going to win the World Series.
I am very grateful for Boston’s leadership during the
American Revolution and admire the grit of the Red Sox and the resilience the
city displayed after that horrible incident at the Boston Marathon. But you are
no better than the rest of us and surely not more important than the news from
let’s say—the Middle East, the Ukraine, the stock market or pork belly prices
in Kansas or Iowa.
Please
Northeasterners. Get over yourselves. We understand that New Yorkers think the
world ends at the Hudson River. We understand that Bostonians are sure all
wisdom starts in Harvard Yard. Even WC Fields proposed his epitaph to read “on
the whole, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.” (He is actually buried in California
and his tombstone does not employ that phrase). But give the rest of the
country a chance.
I
still think George Will had it right when he said about Jeremy Lin:
“It’s nice to see Harvard
produce someone who’s not a net subtraction from the public good…”
And, one more thing, Harvard people, stop with the snow jobs. You
don’t have the corner on brilliance. After all, your graduates gave us Vietnam.
So please. Limit the media coverage of your weather to 60
seconds per broadcast hour. You can choose the pictures. If you insist on throwing some hapless
weatherperson out in the snow, let’s put the 35-second clock on him or her. Then
cut to a commercial for Gallery Furniture. They are far more entertaining than the
ones for cold medicines.
