This Blog Could Save You Time And Money

This Blog Could Save You Time And Money

By

Leonard Zwelling

Have you been to the movie theater lately? No, I don’t mean have you watched a movie? I mean have you gotten in your car, driven to a place where they project films on a screen in the dark, and watched a movie?

Believe it or not, a lot of people haven’t, particularly people of my generation who used to go all the time. Many will wait to see films stream on their big screen TVs at home rather than weather the insults of going to a theater.

First, you have to find a place to park. That can mean a parking garage and at least a $5 fee.

Second, if you want to recall the old days of movie going, you want popcorn and a soft drink. For two people that can run you $20.

Third, are the tickets themselves. You will probably buy them from a machine. Ticket sellers are long gone. You will pay with a credit card. Cash is no longer king. And, you will have to select a seat on a screen. This will probably cost about $25 for two senior tickets and if you do this at home on a computer or from your phone before you go, there will be a few dollars added to the price of each ticket as a service charge. You are charged for a lack of service. Go figure.

Now the theaters are more luxurious, with reclining seats, cup holders, and even trays for your nachos if you choose to go that route, pretty common in Houston. Unfortunately, the floors may still be sticky and the young girl next to you cannot stop talking to her friend in the next seat to hers, or worse to her mother on her cellphone.

So, you are down about $50 bucks. This time of year, you may have purposely come only to see the films in line for various end of year awards. Some films have already won some awards.

Well, this blogger has done some of the work for you and I am going to save you time and money by telling you to stay home and watch Landman on Paramount if you want to see something good, because what Hollywood is producing for the screen is often big, loud, and bad and I’m not even talking about the super hero stuff.

I have to start with The Brutalist. This is a three-and-one-half hour film with a fifteen-minute intermission about a Holocaust survivor architect who comes to America and experiences post-WW II life in Philadelphia, makes the acquaintance of a benefactor, and takes on a huge project for him.

This has got to be the most self-indulgent film I have seen in a very long time. It is boring, confusing, poorly acted, and poorly written. That it is in line for many Oscars should not delude you. As Wayne from Wayne’s World said of the film The Piano (also a self-indulgent mess), “this movie sucks.” Stay away.

Of course, there’s the film everyone loves based on the play everyone loves, Wicked. This is not painful to watch except for the big production numbers which seem thrown in for no reason other than to run the costume budget up and puff out the running time to two-and-half hours. This one is so self-indulgent it comes in two pieces.  What is in theaters now is Part 1. Part 2 is to be released later this year.

I will say that there is one reason to see Wicked. Ariana Grande is spectacular as Glenda the good witch. She may not be worth $50. I would wait for it to come to streaming TV, but she is great in this film.

Finally, I’m cheating a bit on this last one. I didn’t get to the theater fast enough to see A Real Pain, a film by Jesse Eisenberg about two cousins visiting Poland to see where their grandmother was born and to visit the concentration camps. This is an aptly named movie. That’s all can tell you about this one because the BW and I lasted only ten minutes. Jesse Eisenberg (who stars, directs, and writes in this one) and Kieran Culkin, who plays his cousin, are so annoying in this, that we turned it off (a major advantage of home viewing). Culkin is up for an Academy Award playing, the BW said, the exact same part he played in Succession.

So, if I calculate correctly, you could save almost $150 or more and surely seven hours of your life by having read this blog.

You’re welcome.

Instead, watch Landman, On Call, The Pitt, or old episodes of Law and Order on TV. These are a much better uses of your viewing time. And, you’ll probably avoid sticky floors.