How About a Little Humor
From Dr. Fidler

(Josh sent me these this
week)

ARAPROSDOKIANS

(Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which
the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected,

frequently humorous.

1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my
list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not
putting it in a fruit salad.

8. They begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’ then proceed
to tell you why it isn’t.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.  To steal
from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations.
On my desk is a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted the
paycheck.

12. In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of
emergency, notify:” I put DOCTOR.

13. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of
a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a
parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier
to live with.

19. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone
down so they can’t get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.

21. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call
whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.

26. Where there’s a will, there are relatives.

27. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder
and harder for me to find one now.

Leonard Zwelling